I'm the queen of situationships with J names, so you can imagine my dating life is far from ideal. It feels like the only hot guys available are either criminals, cringy, crazy, or  complacent. Or, all of the above. I'm TIRED. Meanwhile, I'm watching some of my friends fall madly in love and get married. And, of course I'm over the moon for them, but I can't help but think, "When is it going to be my turn?". To be fair, I don't necessarily even want a boyfriend right now. I'm a free spirit who loves my freedom, but I want someone to act like my boyfriend over the phone and hang out with me one day during the week, on Friday/Saturday nights after I've chilled with my homies, and all of Sunday. Is that too much to ask for? Am I the problem? I guess I want a part time boyfriend???? 

I'm not ready yet to accept a guy giving me his all (not like any of them are lol), and I think that makes me accept the bare minimum. My friends will tell me, "Leigh Anne, you deserve so much more"! I know I do, but I think it's okay to keep a guy around who's giving you the bare minimum, as long as you aren't wanting a relationship from him. If you're genuinely looking for something serious, I agree-- don't accept the bare minimum, but at this moment in time, I see guys as an accessory in life. My life is more than complete without them, but they do add an extra pizazz. Granted, there's one on my roster I care about more than I'd like to admit, and I let him get under my skin more than I'd like to admit, but then I snap myself back into reality by reminding myself, "Leigh Anne, babe, you're doing the exact same thing to him". To be honest, I'd probably be willing to lock in with him, if he didn't make me feel the need to play mind games. Situationships feel like they're all mind games, and I've gotten so good at playing them, I sometimes wonder if something more peaceful would bore me. 

Another conflict I'm having is that because I'm using guys right now as an accessory instead of a real partner, I keep prioritizing looks over qualities. Therefore, I go for the hottest guy instead of the best one. Then, I find myself talking to a toxic, unmotivated, or damaged guy. Also, I'm in a small town, so there isn't exactly a large dating pool, and it seems the only super hot ones have issues. But, I don't want to settle for someone less attractive because, like I said, I'm not trying to be in a full blown relationship right now. So, yeah-- that's my conflict. 

When you've been let down by so many guys, it makes you pessimistic towards them, so you start treating them the way they've treated you. Maybe I'm not *not* ready for a relationship; maybe I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe I'm afraid of allowing them to be more than an accessory again. If I only talk to hot guys who lack the qualities I value, I can still get that excitement without the risk of falling in love again. I guess it all comes down to that saying, "When you know, you know". I'll know when I find a gorgeous guy who I feel safe with, don't feel the need to play games with, treats me well and still gives me that excitement, then it's time to lock in. Until then, I think I'm doing just fine only giving my friends and my store access to my heart. 

If you can't tell by now, this isn't a solution-based blog. It's more of a "this is my train of thought" blog. But, I think it's important to point out that maybe those of us who are in serial situationships aren't necessarily not ready for connection; we actually crave it but are just afraid to give someone access to our hearts again. Our only options are: 1) put your heart on the line-- that is, if you find someone good enough to do that for, 2) keep playing games with guys you know aren't your forever person, or 3) just be completely alone. The streets are rough out here because option 1 is terrifying. Option 2 is exhausting, and option 3 is lonely. Pick your poison, but remember-- your priorities as a single girl in her mid 20's should be her friends and her career; they're the only guaranteed constant. Anna Wintour once said, "Never run after a bus or a man, as within 5 minutes, another one will always turn up".